And most certainly, do not watch TV programs in which the words "pants of dubious power" are employed, for they will surely drive you to drink and cigarettes, if not brain death, more surely than anything else in the known universe...

Aww Ben, and to think that we once shared fags at your windowsill.

Here's what to do:

Take a filled ashtray and empty it into a cup of warm water. Let sit for fifteen minutes. Seep. Drink.

If that doesn't work at making you never want to have a cigarette again, then you're a lost cause.

I'm off for a fag myself now...

Thanks thats some pretty good advice, I was going to try Zyban the brain drug but I heard it triggered schizophrenia which is something somewhat unapealing to me. Went on the NHS website for quitting smoking and there's this bit where you can watch the adverts and tv spots for the anti smoking campaigns. There's this one with kids smoking, in the sense of passive smoking which made me laugh out loud and want a cigarette even more (not in an evil way, it is just funny).

Then I called the quitline - where people mentally wak you off for quitting but offer little to no advice other than 'you are doing so well'.

Not going very well, I have to go to edingburgh for a party weekend this weekend, and I don't want to eschew soft or hard drugs and drink! Landon what can I do........???

Ben, have you tried dipping the matches in water before trying to light the cigarett, that sometimes works.
The best high I get is by doing sports swimming and running will help to open up the lungs, but possibly not so much in London?.
You could try out the latest designer sports wear and have logo adertising on the clothes as you run around the City, maby earn something in advertising, it may be a bit of a fag though(pun included)

I was actually thinking of taking up an activity to replace smoking and drinking in pubs, and I always wanted to have a go at fencing. Anybody know of a good fencing club in the west end or clerkenwell/islington?

does rada/lamda/guildhall not offer classes in stage combat?